There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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