I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
