I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
