I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
