After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
