i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
