drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
