The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
