Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
