your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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