Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
