Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
