The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
