I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
