Pappa wants mamma naked
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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