Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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