In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
