Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
