We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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