I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
