Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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