Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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