here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
