NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
