my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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