wanna go halves on a baby?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
