If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
