Pappa wants mamma naked
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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