VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
