The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
