One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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