I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
