Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
