my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
