hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
