love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
