Dude my mom stole all your condoms
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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