I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
