Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
