Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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