She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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