Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
