Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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