If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
