She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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