don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
