About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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