HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My dick has a subreddit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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