Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
