You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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