Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
